Actually Watching

Okay, first of all, I didn’t disappear.

I need to correct that because every time somebody comes back to music after a while, the story becomes, “I stepped away from social media.”

I did not.

I was on YouTube. I was on Instagram. I was definitely on Facebook. I was around, probably saying something I had no business saying.

I just moved away from music.

And honestly, I don’t even know if I consciously decided to do that. Life happened. My interests changed. I changed. Music went from being this huge part of my identity online to something sitting quietly in the background.

Then TikTok happened.

And TikTok reminded me how much I actually love the internet when I’m allowed to be a little messy.

Not everything needs beautiful lighting.

Not everything needs an announcement.

Not everything needs to make sense with whatever you posted yesterday.

Sometimes I want to talk about something completely random. Sometimes I want to make something stupid. Sometimes I want to overshare a little bit. Sometimes I want to post something and then five minutes later think, well… that’s on the internet now.

And not apologize for it.

That freedom actually reignited something in me.

Somewhere between making short-form content, being ridiculous, talking to people, experimenting again and generally not taking myself so damn seriously, I started feeling that old creative itch.

And then my day-ones did something that still kind of blows my mind.

They got me a new computer so I could create again.

A freaking MacBook Pro.

And let me tell you something: this MacBook is a BEAST.

I’m sitting here with this ridiculously powerful machine in front of me thinking, okay… y’all really did this. Now I actually have to make something.

No pressure.

So that’s kind of where I am.

I’m making music again.

I’m digging through old work.

I’m learning new things. I’m messing with production. I’m writing. I’m experimenting. I’m looking at things I made years ago with completely different eyes and occasionally asking my younger self some very serious questions.

And I’m doing a lot of it while you’re watching.

That’s the part that’s new for me.

I don’t want to disappear for two years and come back with twelve perfect photographs, an album cover and some carefully written statement about my “artistic evolution.”

Please.

I want you to see some of the shit show.

I want to share things while I’m excited about them, not six months later when they’re part of a marketing schedule.

Maybe something works.

Maybe it sucks.

Maybe I love it tonight and hate it tomorrow.

Maybe I post an old song and tell you exactly what I think about it now.

Maybe I make something completely unexpected.

I don’t know.

That’s kind of the point.

And to the people who have been around since the beginning — my actual day-ones — I hope you know how much I appreciate you. The fact that after all these years some of you are still here, still rooting for me, and literally helping give me the tools to create again is wild to me.

So yeah.

The music is coming back.

I’m coming back to it.

But I’m not interested in pretending I have some perfectly orchestrated master plan for how this is supposed to happen.

You’re actually watching me figure it out.

Mess and all.

And I think that’s going to be a lot more fun.